Sweet Life

I have a sweet life. I have 2 fab new roommates. I have a great ride, and all the things I need. But what I miss most is my family. I wish they were just a drive away, on days like these, where I have 3 days off class/work. I wish i could just toodle on over to the house I was raised in and chill with my madre. I wish i could just go visit my hermanas whenever the mood strikes, or for girls night tacos and sex and the city episodes while we chatted about life. 

I wish I wish. 

I will find a way to figure out how to live back home - or close to home in 6 moths. 

<3 

CuPcaKe <3

Im craving a creative cupcake.

i need to be eating "cookies" and listening to some M.I.A while simutaneously painting. I want to be laying in the sun,sipping on some fiji water, and getting a new tattoo. i want to be shopping vintage with my black amex, while sippin green tea and adjusting my headband strune across my forehead. i want to be on a catameran sailing the caribbean, while eating king crab legs, dipping them in luke warm butter, while reading the script of my favorite movie. i want to be getting a spa day massage at LeSpa with my mother and hermanas while chit chatting about my new job/move oppurtunities, and listening to their stories about life back east. i want to be sleeping in my cali-king bed made of down feather mattresses,comforters and pillows while watching pretty woman for the umpteenth time and snuggling with my future husband.

i want i need i want i need. my daydreams. my daydreams seem so real to me.

i heart i love i know i grow.

<3>

Today was the Final Walk-through. Today was the start of the end, the beginning of a beginning. It was stressful, not exciting, crazy not calm. It was hectic and in the midst of all the craziness I didn't once stop to capture the moment. I didn't stop once to realize that the end of the month is already here, where usually I am gathering money up from savings to put a check in the mail for rent. I am now gathering my belongings and sending my self away in boxes. Thankfully I am able to keep my furniture, even though I honestly wouldn't of minded seeing it go- it's nice to know I am SOMETHING to hold on to. Something tactile that I can touch, see, smell to remember the memories with. 

I do not know why I am so sentimental about this move, why I care so deeply. It it mind-boogling. I know I will be fine, I know this really isn't the end....yet. That is in a few more months. I always want what I don't have and usually when I get it, it is nothing that I thought it would be and usually hate it. 

Is that just life, or is that just Me? I am excited to meet new people, to learn a new part of town, but is it to late? 

I have DREAMED about the day that I move home for the last 2 years that I have lived here, and even though I am not moving home just yet, that dream is slipping away. I am settling in, I am finding my nook. I am marking my territory just fine. Will I ever move back? Or will I continue to move forward? I have seen many signs in the last few days that lead me to know that this move is the right thing to do. And I trust them. I don't trust people, I don't believe in people, I believe in signs. But the signs are also telling me to take mental notes, take photographs because I won't be staying in L.A. for long and I need to reminisce in it now.

All new beginnings for me, new job, new apartment, new friends, new classes. Life just leads you, it just go's. It's a very comforting feeling and that's exactly what I've been lacking. 

I just want answers though. I want to know what's before me, I like to be pre-pared. But like I said before, the surprises are oh so much better. 

This is a babble, this is my brain wave, all over the place. Hopefully once this is all over I will feel at peace again, my heart will no longer hurt and I will feel ok. I will feel whole again. To those who have been a part of this journey- thank you. You make my life so much more interesting, you have taught me soooo much it hurts to think about. I am just in awe of the things I've seen, experienced and learned. How could one repay for all of this? Success. Success is the one thing my parents told me is the only way I could repay them for what they have given to me these last two years. And I hope to do nothing less. 

I love you, I miss you, I cannot wait to show you what I can really do. 

<3>

Ciao For Now

Today, i made a choice. A hard, heartbreaking, bittersweet choice. It wasn't easy, it wasn't hard. it was just a decision, emotions aside, i had to do what i've learn to do best- look out for myself. I am forever grateful to the one person who made me dig deep and start caring, supporting and thinking for myself. They will always be remembered as the person who taught me some of my biggest life lessons, and they will never even know it. I am on my own this time, no comforting ties, no comforting furniture to remind me of memories and days of laughter and days of sadness. I am leaving behind a part of town that helped me grow in ways I can't even explain. A city I really never took advantage of. I saw today what i thought were "greener pastures" and I realized i actually had the greener side all along, ironic huh? but that is my life, always surprising, always exciting and always always always ironic. I can't run from it so i am embracing it. I will be leaving behind: memories.  

good, and bad. Old apartments that i consider places i "grew up". People, that i wouldn't necessarily consider my

self to hang out with, but def. enjoyed. Bars, pictures, scenery, moments in time.

The woman I have grown into, the adult that i am is astonishing considering where i started. I am amazed more and more each day of the world around me, and i am more and more aware of how blessed i truly am. The world is fruitful and delicious. 

I cannot believe that this truly is, the end. The end. It feels as real as the city i live in. I am moving forward, I am not thinking of my insecurities, I am not thinking about what the future has in store for me, because i found that planning life is such a waste of time, because the surprises are so much more fun. If you told me 2 years ago that i would be here, i wouldn't of believed it. I can't believe i am. I am trying to wrap my head around all of these thoughts. I almost said emotions but like i said, i have to leave emotions out of the equations. It's time to 

be serious. business. school. life. 

I get to discover a whole new world. I get to experience what i've wanted for so long. It's def. frightening. But something tells me, i way more equipped to handle this than I orignally thought. 

Ciao B.H., good bye WestSide, so long old friend, hello new ones. Goodbye struggle, hello freedom. 

<3>

GrrRRRrrrr!!!!!!

I'm in a VeRy ill mood with FIDM right now. Very ill mood. and no it's not from the fact that i ate 6 month old mayo with my tuna this afternoon with out realizing it. no its not the fact that i drank an entire bottle of wine celebrating finishing a project on time for the (first time in my life actually) and now i am extremely dehydrated. no its also not the fact that i haven't slept well in the past 10 weeks because school is killing me, or the my boss is laying people off left and right. 

it's..... FIDM! the worst and best decision of my life. currently i hate them. i hate the teachers who only give points to you if your project is avante garde, if you produce something that god for bid someone else did similar 8 quarters ago when you weren't even out of HS yet then good luck lil duckling... because you are getting a flat D on that one. It doesn't matter that you spent hours beyond hours of useless time slaving away at a chair the size of a small human being, as everyone else opted to make a chair fit for a mouse. yet they still get more points. or someone who took a PIECE of her chair and glued it to a piece of paper and got a B. fuckers. 

im ill. im sick. im pissed. i hate when teachers grade you on personalities and how much you kiss their ass. instead of what you produced. 

fuckers. art is about the heart. not photoshop. or illustrator. 

i hate. fidm. 

for right now. im sure ill be over this rant as soon as i hit "publish"

<3suz

InFLuENcE

"I don't believe in destiny but I believe in fables"

These people, these pieces of art have in some way shape or form influenced me in the last few months... More to CoMeeee <3

This is the NeW me, eat your hearts out haters...

Please feast your eyes and indulge your appetite on these wonderful beyond wonderful fashion sites....

www.style.com/fashionshows/sartorialist/ 

^talk about amazing, he takes pictures of random fashion-go'ers and what they are wearing. The common public often strikes out when it comes to daily fashion. But these fashionistas and fashionistERS nail it every time. I often get very extremely fabulously inspired by their attire.

www.histyley.com

^ on a more low-budget, low key way this site follows LA-ers around the most trendy LA burrows, such as West Hollywood, Silverlake, The Grove, Hollywood, Century City, Santa Monica etc.. these are normal LA passer-by-ers. It is a peep hole into the LA world. Where only we can get away with such ridiculous ideas for pants, no pants or bra. I show this site to my friends back home in Kentucky and they flip because they just DONT get IT. Its real. Its great. Its even Real Great.

Thats my top 2 pick for the evening... im anxiously awaitin the new arrival of PostSecret.com to unvail its annual Sunday Secrets like every Sunday. That site is the reason I leave the club early, wake up and make breakfast in bed  (for myself) and sit and read,and re-read the secrets over and over. I <3>

I also am extremely lame at times. LOL but check it out. you wont regret it! 

Ciao for now Bellas y Bellos 

Helllooo Chloe

Oh my goody goodness... As I was doing my usual saturday morning routine of browsing through Style.com I came across the Chloe show, that was held in Paris. Pari Pariii ahhh I adore thee! Here are some of my favs from the show... it was hard trying to pick a few from the 29 pieces she showed. 

The first picture: Purple-mens wear inspired- with casual grey pant= love! This look is chic, its very parisian and very very comfortable. This is what I love to see- something trendy that doesnt mean I have to give up my comfort. This is really great for mild climates as well, you dont hav

e to layer and layer and layer all kinds of mess to be cute, trendy and warm. This is an easy look where the pieces can be w

or

n separately after the seasons over. 

                                                                                                                        

I know, I know another "purple" item but purple is a huge color in fall/winter run way shows and it just so happens to be my second fav of the collection. Who said shoulder pads had to be INSIDE? These beauts are smack dab where the world can really see them.. I am ridiculously in love with this trend, even though I wont be following it (its hard for me to conform) but doesn't mean I don't appreciate it... plus the simplicity of this dress and look is absolutely divine!

This outfit is cute. Its a nice blend of co

lors and I love the different lengths of the sleeves. the satins are a sweet reminder of spring as well as the flats. but Im not a huge fan of the color story...

 Tre Chic! I LOVE this outfit. I love this line, I love this collection, I love this designer. Ahh The man-pant is BACK! and its like a breath of fresh air! This jacket looks vintage this shirt underneath is perfection and the pants with cuff are more fabulous than pinkberry on a summer day. 

The entire look is great... The only problem I have with this collection is when the designer tries to incorporate a ballgown.... gag-o-saur-ous.... what is this? and how many times have we seen this? complete Blaahh... 

All in All, this was a great lil treat for my eyes... Soo much more on Style.com or WWD.com (Womens Wear Daily) for more decadents <3 

Ciao Bellos y Bellas 

Im In Love

Do you ever feel as though you just are flying? You finally stopped fighting, you let go completely and just jumped. Jumped off the edge and the entire ride from there on out has been completely and utterly wonderful, breezy, fresh and free? It just makes sense to be falling. You know you're falling down, but it lifts you up? You don't know why you waited so long to make the jump, you don't know why you never thought about just jumping before. But while you're falling, your not wasting your time thinking about these things either because once you jump you jump and the past is the past. What a lesson I learned this weekend. It was let the past be the past. And just continue to enjoy the ride of free falling. Its such a backwards metaphor but somehow it works. Well at least for me. I just feel so happy. For the first time in a long time, and its not due to anyone coming into my life, its not due to school or work or a guy who swept me off my feet. Its the most cliche thing, it is from discovering myself through myself and the best part is that it's just starting! I've just discovered HoW to discover myself and what I enjoy and like. I know who I am from simply listening to my needs, allowing myself to be alone has been the most positive experience ever. I found so much strength and wisdom and courage that I never knew existed. I can't stop smiling, I can't stop seeing everything as blissful, and I hope this feeling never goes away. It's like falling in love with your soulmate kind of feeling, but so much more because you know it came from within. And that no one could take it away. 

I have had the best weeks,  the best weekends the best days at school the best days at work ever since I rang in 2009. Maybe it was a conscious decision, to make my life simpler, happier, I am not entirely sure. But I know I am having the time of my life. I am so so so blessed. And I cannot wait for the rest of the year to come, I cannot wait for the surprises to un-fold before me. I cannot wait........ 

p.s. I want to skydive for my birthday....seriously.