Water Therapy

You know how some people say 'in a past life I probably was a....blank...because..'? Well I know for sure, with out a doubt that I was most definitely a fish. If I feel sick, or have a cold, or have a headache and I go take the hottest hot shower I feel (at least for those 10minutes) relief. If I am stressed out or just under the weather a bath or hot shower seems to be my cure.
I love nothing more than jumping into the deep end of a pool and rolling around underwater. That feeling of floating underwater and being surrounded completely by water is so refreshing. It's a sort of 'coming home' to me the moment I hit the water.
I was a competitive swimmer my entire life until I reached the age of 16 and I no longer had a team to compete with. Also I wanted to start working (DUMB idea!). I loved every second of being a swimmer, it was the best exercise ever, and I had no idea how good it was for me. I loved the smell of the chlorine and pushing my self each practice. I formed some of the strongest friendships through swimming. Swimmers have a unique bond with one another, they most often are up at the crack of dawn and can get in a ridiculous workout in around 20minutes. I would compare it to cross-country running. You are swimming together for hours, you are moving water together. You form get bonds.

Today I have a brutal headache and Henry's crying is not helping what-so-ever. I've taken a shower and still feel awful, on the verge of puking which is just lovely. I need to lay down and nap this thing off but that's impossible since I haven't been home in 4 days. Constantly running around trying to get errands done, which by the way STILL haven't gotten completed- UGH. But anywho I am contemplating going and trying to take another shower and warming up. Worst part is having long hair and drying it again. boo.

The job decision is over and that is good news, I am nervous about starting and about how much sleep I will get but overall excited for the opportunity. It will be nice to get out of the house, get dressed with a purpose and spend some time away from the baby. It will be good too for Henry, he will get to socialize with other babies and Im really excited to see him make 'friends' :D
Im also VERY excited about the weather warming up- if EVER. I mean seriously snow in April, thats some bullshit peter rabbit who DIDNT see his shadow. Ok i know he isn't a rabbit, he is a ground hog but shit the easter bunny is coming to town and i dont think he likes hopping around in snow.....boo again.

Well Im off to go and try to cure this headache of mine. or take a nap. or shower away my sickness. or to ramble some more about nothing. ha.

Ciaoooo

<3 LC

Big Decisions

As I am sure many of you know, I am quite busy being a full time mommy. Leaving no room for real world work. Even though I knew it might have to come down to me working on weekends and nights to bring in some extra cash I never thought to deep into it. Scratch that- I job searched like crazy before I delivered Henry, panicked that we wouldn't have enough money to cover our expenses. Without going into too much detail my husband and I figured out how to balance our budget with me not having to go back to work.
Well all of those applications went un-noticed by employers and interviews led to disappointing offers or no call back at all. Then there was one- my dream job I titled it...they came back with an offer I could work with. I negotiated for a better salary and for more hours. They were originally going to only offer me a part time position with little pay, I up'd it to full time and 2x the amount of money they were originally prepared to offer me. So for that, I was quite proud of my extraordinary hustling skills. But like always, (those who know me best knew this would happen) the second I get exactly what I want, I dont want it anymore- I see all the flaws in it. I get instantly disinterested. It's the fight I enjoy, the struggle the back and forth negotiations. I should seriously take up real estate! LOL. That's what happened yesterday, the company came back with an offer I couldn't refuse and they and I both knew it. Except I desperately wanted to refuse it because it was EXACTLY what I wanted and what I had been fighting for for 3 long weeks.
These are the times where I annoy the living shit out of myself. I would slap me if I was my friend. I was begging my husband to tell me what I didn't want to hear, to make the decision for me. I was begging anyone to make the decision for me. Neither my husband, nor I, want me to go back to work full time. We want our son to be raised in our hands, in our home by me, his mother. I know he will be fine and be a perfectly functioning human being one day, not affected by his 3 day stints in day care. I get that. It's the leaving him part, the trusting someone else to watch my baby, the honest to goodness love of my life.
What is so sick about this mental struggle I am in right now is that a year ago I would be creaming my pants at this offer and it wouldn't of taken me 3 seconds to make a decision. But like I've said before, I no longer get to do what I WANT anymore, but what is best for our family. If only my mother lived near by so she could be our daycare-some one I trust completely.

Bottom line is I am taking the job. I have to. If it doesnt work out then awesome I tried being a superhero mom for a day. Better to have tried and failed then never tried at all. I have to do this for myself (something I've continuously preached for weeks) my husband who works so hard for his family and my son who would greatly benefit from his mother being a more well rounded individual with a place to blow off steam. I am starting to get excited about being a career woman/wife/mother. That's a lot to take on but if anyone were to tell me I couldn't do it I'd fight like hell to prove them wrong. So I am going to take on this huge responsibility like someone has just looked me square in the face and said 'bring it'. Ha.

So today is the last day of errands because I start training next week so after today I am going to park my ass and enjoy this last week of maternity leave. I am getting my nails done to celebrate, and possibly shopping for a great first day at the office outfit.

Watch out world.

<3 LC
remember to celebrate yourself!

Nomad for Life

I have lived in more apartment complexes than I can count on one hand. Actually, I can still count them all on one hand, but you get my drift. I am a nomad at heart, I love having a new house, a new apartment, a new bedroom. A new place to discover, a new part of town you wouldn't neccesarly frequent if you did not live there. I love getting into new routines, the idea of it all is so very exciting, the executing of it is another story. Luckily I married a man who seems to enjoy the same aspects of moving as I and we have been looking at a new place to live since we moved into our current residence. Now don't get me wrong if we did not have a baby this apartment would be perfect for us. We did not find out we were expecting until 4 days prior to moving, a little to late to un-sign our year long lease and all other expenses. But this was a great starting point for us, we met a lot of great neighbors, doggie friends for Zoey and made a real connection to the community in which we live in. I love this apartment complex and we are currently working our asses off to find a way to afford living here in a bigger unit. Sounds crazy to spend so much on a apartment, not building any equity, and throwing $$ away but that is a whole nother blog in itself.

So anywho, as usual Kev and I got to talking about me going back to work, not going back to work, moving, not moving, etc etc last night at dinner and now my duty of the day is to call around and set up appointments for tomorrow. We shall spend the day in the House of Clouse mobile aka big bubba Tahoe touring around our oh so beloved city scoping out a new place to live. So many factors to have to think about now that we are married, have a dog and a baby. A decision rarely is solely based on what WE want, but what is GOOD for our family. That's the hard part about growing up, sometimes you have a lot less fun because your constantly worried about what is SAFE. boo. We are officially old :D

I actually think I would do in a industry such as real estate. That was my favorite part about moving from city to city when I was younger getting transferred with my father's job. We as children always got to tag along with my mother and house hunt. Taking notes, pictures etc. I loved it. Still do. I can walk into an apartment and instantly tell by the smell/architecture if its a go or no.
(ok side note: I am sitting here watching my beloved Today Show and they are talking about fashion trends and I cannot help myself but to comment....they are talking about how the '70's are back!' like hello- no freaking shit sherlock! they have always been back, there has ALWAYS been something or some part of fashion that channeled the 70's. ridiculous.......i guess i really do need to get back to work, get back to the grind of the fashion world. hmmm a thought to ponder).

I am rambling gambling along today, I think it has to do with this super snazzy wireless keyboard I am using that Kev got when we were contemplating canceling our cable and hooking our computer up to our TV and watching Netflix instead. which actually would be awesome except the connection was too slow and our TV sucks ass and I'm slightly attached to my Today Show :D But I do thoroughly enjoy typing on this keyboard. ha.

Welp, off I go to call my apartment complex's management team, then the vet, then the companies I've interviewed with for an update, then set up appointments for tomorrow all the while pumping/feeding/changing Henry and cleaning the house. Ahhhh the life eh?? ha ha
Much love and enjoy your weekend. REMEMBER to TREAT yourself to a lil something this weekend, you DESERVE IT!

LC

Creativity

Becoming a mom has caused many things in my life to be placed on hold. My marriage is on hold from time to time (thankfully I have a wonderfully understanding husband) my career (not that I have much of one) and my social life.
I am at Henry's constant woo and I use to HATE hearing other women say this but it isn't by choice and now I understand. But since he is so dependent upon me I don't have a life outside of his world.

Yesterday I was watching a youtube video of Lady Gaga at Google doing an interview about her life, and I was touched. I don't revel over public figures, my time in L.A. taught me that is a waste of time because celebrities are just glorified fuck ups. Anywho- I was watching this interview and it was an hour long and what possessed me to watch the entire thing who knows but I did and I learned something from it. I took something from her that I wasn't expecting to. She said a quote that I loved "Honor your creativity". So many people put their lives on hold for so many reasons every day and they dont honor their creativity they dont answer the door. And in that moment I stopped, I realized I have been denying myself my life, my career, my creativity. I have been juggling a husband, a dog, a baby, a house, work etc and lost Lauren. So today I beg you to stop and think about yourself, treat yourself be yourself. I stopped doing that and I have enjoyed giving my every being to Henry- my body as his home, my time for his nurturing, my body for his food. But now its momma's time!

I am focusing on making time for all the things that make me tick, that keep me happy and de-stress me.

That thing right now is a quick cat nap before Henry wakes up :D

random blurb from my brain not necessarily a blog post but that's my life these days <3

LC

Pet Peeves/Obessions

I know a blog NOT about Henry, being a mom or discussions of my body changing. Ha! I thought I would make a fun blog and request comments with your responses of what YOUR pet peeves/obsessions are... I've always found it to be a fascinating subject to talk about. I love hearing peoples off the wall pet peeves. Here are a few of mine....and none of them really make any sense, I've yet to figure out why I hate certain things and love other things...Im making no sense so moving on...

PET PEEVES:
sneezing: I hate it, can't stand it, want to puke and hit the person square in the face when I hear that loud obnoxious noise. BUT I LOVE the relief I GET when I sneeze.

wearing socks to bed: grooooossss. you've walked around all day in the house in those things, they collect dirt and hold in sweat. the texture is gross as well.

loud televisions: nothing worse than sitting in someone's house with their tv on so loud that it gives you a headache. especially if it is on the cartoon network channel.

people that say 'like' or 'um' every other word: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

people that 'suck' on their teeth to get old food residue out: give me a pitch fork and I'll scrape it out FOR YA!

people who leave whiteheads on their face and don't pop them: I'm sorry but I love a good pop of the pimple, it feels like relief it's visually stimulating to see the expression of puss come out and a scab looks better than a snow peaked mount Everest on your chin so POP that son of a gun.

OBSESSIONS:
cookie dough: I've become obsessed ever since having Henry. I don't even like the cookie form anymore, I solely eat the dough around the clock all day long.

drinking from straws: it just feels right

reality tv: I can't pull myself away. Real housewives depicts how I would like to live my life materialistically NOT personally, no drama.

photography: take me to a place I've never been.

blackberry: take it from me and your fingers will be chopped. Im also glad Kev now has a work blackberry because he is now obsessed with me as well.

cleaning baby bottles: it's what every little girl pretended to do growing up. you play house, and pretend you have a baby and wash bottles and feed them a bottle etc etc...no? that was just me? ohh...

changing Henry's diapers: again....might be just me. lol.

mowing the grass: it is pure joy to cut the grass- riding lawn mower only of course and I am determined to purchase a riding lawn mower and cut the grass weekly once we own our own home and have a big glorious yard :D

picking my nose: I'll own up to it, in the privacy of my own home it's nice to find relief in getting that crud out, and NO you cannot get it ALL out with a tissue and YES I thoroughly wash my hands after wards.

riding a bike: it's like flying but better.

watching Henry sleep: no better joy in the world then seeing him in the most peaceful state, dreaming and on occasion smiling during a dream. staring down at a miracle.

Im sure there are a thousand more I could think of but for now my child is crying for a bottle so I must wrap it up <3

ENJOY!
LC

1 month postpartum

Today is a very happy day for me. A day were I woke up excited to go get my lil boo out of his crib. A day where I smiled as I gave my wonderful husband a kiss goodbye. A day where my coffee was made perfectly, and the slice of cold left over pizza tasted awesome! A morning spent cuddled up on the couch with the computer, morning news and rain on the windowsill and youtube jamming in the background of my favorite music.

Today is so great because last night was awesome. Henry's last feeding is around 11-12am and I usually stay up to feed him and then have to spend another 2 hours trying to get him to go to sleep. Well last night we tried something new- when his 8-9pm feeding came around we put him straight to bed and went to bed with him. I set my alarm for 12 thinking he would probably wake before then and we he did not I was in heaven! I still had to get up and pump and by the time I was done he was awake and ready to eat. But because he was so rested and sleepy he went right back to sleep after his bottle meaning I got 6 hours of glorified sleep last night with only one lil interruption! This is a new mothers DREAM! This only happens 2 maybe 3 times a week and the rest of the nights are spent calming him down and rocking him to sleep for hours. He loves to sleep on our chests so when we put him in his crib he instantly wakes right back up and starts the game alllll over again.

I am also excited today because I am so so so grateful to have my pre-pregnancy body back. I loved being pregnant and rubbing my stomach but 9months of it was plenty. I looooove slipping on my skinny jeans and lil tank tops. I LOVE my breast feeding boobies as well. I feel like I had a baby and I got a boob job/lipo all in one! I weigh LESS than I did before I got pregnant, I'm wearing a size 4 and can fit in a size 2. My boobs are in their own zip code and hellllo no one's complaining in this city :D All of this is due to breast feeding and burning all those extra calories each day. I absolutely love it. I still eat all the shit I did when I was pregnant, Kev and I have actually gotten into the habit of making cookie dough and just eating that each night as dessert. Gross I know but I am so hungry all the time and that is my vice right now.

Another reason why I am so so so happy today is that the job hunt is going so smoothly. I am being sought after for 2 really great jobs and it is going to be hard to pick. I am so excited because I graduated over a year ago and I finally am going to be able to have a full time job that is not just a job but a career in my field of interest in a salary position! Might I add that this is all happening in AKRON OHIO?!? Yeah, I didn't think it was possible either!

Life is really shaping up nicely for us and after the year we had in 2010- as great as it was, it was also one of the hardest for my family, so we are extremely grateful for the break. Kev is busy at work, I am busy at home and soon to be working again too, we have a beautiful healthy jubilant son and a crazy lazy dog. We have our health, our happiness and our own family now, life gets sweeter every day. Ever since our son was born and blessed us with his presence our fortune has turn completely around. I wish every one could be as blessed!

Enjoy the rainy day and cuddle up to someone you love - that is the best way to stay warm!
<3>

Normalcy!

YES! It has finally happened! The day has come where I do not feel like a zombie, where I have taken a full shower, put REAL clothes on, and finished some chores around the house. It is so nice and I've been wanting this and waiting for this day since I went into labor!!

My days are 20 hours long these days. I sleep for 4 hours a day maybe 6 if I am lucky and my body has finally adjusted. It took 3 weeks for it to succumb to its defeated state but it did. I have lost all of my pregnancy weight and actually feel skinnier than I did before I got pregnant which is an awesome bonus to breastfeeding. I have crazy cravings for chocolate- chocolate chip cookies/dough to be exact and I drink water/hot tea like its my job! I eat like shit but thats mostly due to the fact that I dont sleep so my body craves carbs and sugar to keep it functioning. I do eat tons of fruit and am currently on an orange binge. Mmmm have to have at least 2 a day. I could spend our entire grocery budget on fruit and carbs and be one happy girl :D

I cannot wait until Kevin and I can get back to our relationship. It currently is on a stand still. The second I went into labor Kev's job went into overdrive. He has been going into work early and coming home late, then working on reports until bedtime and on and on. He works the entire weekend and neither one of us have had a day off since Henry's birth. I haven't a day off from being constantly at Henry's side for 3 weeks and Kev hasn't had a day off from work in 3 weeks. Its so sad seeing our relationship take a hit like this but that has to be expected.
I just look forward to the day where I can get dressed up, wear heels for the first time in a year and skinny jeans and a sexy top and feel like a girl again!

Henry is doing great- gaining weight and eating like a champ. I think he just went through a growth spurt, he has been eating every 2 hours on the hour for 5 days and just plumped up. He loves his milk and his sleep thats for sure! He doesnt really fuss unless he is cold, has a dirty diaper or he is hungry. It's taken me a while to understand and figure out his 'cries'. Which one means I'm in pain, I'm hungry, I'm cold, I'm dirty... but now Im a pro!

For the rest of the day I shall spend it tidying up the house, vegging out on more cookies :D and cuddling with my adorable lil man!

Much Love

LC